Robert Merton, an American sociologist, developed the concept of the self-fulfilling prophecy. Now taught and used in management and occupational psychology, he defined it as follows:
“The self-fulfilling prophecy is, in the beginning, a false definition of the situation evoking a new behaviour which makes the original false conception come 'true'.”
How it works in practice is you might think to yourself: ‘I can never get a parking space’ or ‘I'm bound to fail the interview'. And guess what? You don't find a parking space, and the interview goes badly.
In other words, once you’ve set up an expectation, even if it isn’t accurate, you tend to act in ways which are consistent with it. You may be giving away your expectations to other people by thousands of cues, which may be so subtle you’re not even aware of them. They pick up and act on them – hence the self-fulfilling prophecy.
However, we can control and direct our thoughts, perceptions and behaviour. Neutralise the negative and reinforce your positive thoughts. Once you get to the point where you really believe you deserve to succeed, you'll be surprised at how focused you will be.
Let’s hear your examples of how you focus on the positive – please send us a post!
31 July 2008
24 July 2008
Talking to clients about trust...
...we usually get one of two responses.
Around half the time, people tell us "I trust people when they prove they can be trusted." Most of the others give us The Enlightened Response: "I trust people until they let me down." Either way, they're being reactive. Ultimately what they're saying is that whether they trust someone or not depends on their behaviour.
Clearly, that's a reasonable position! The problem is that in an organisational setting it creates a powerful downward spiral. How does it work?
• I trust you until you let me down.
• I tell Bill that you let me down.
• Now Bill doesn't trust you.
• You notice that Bill is avoiding you, so...
• you start watching him, and warn Jane...
• who warns me that Bill's up to something...
Before you know it, no-one trusts anyone any more, and they can't even remember why!
The problem? Nobody is taking responsibility for maintaining and building trust. If we trust each other, that's fine. But the moment you let me down, or (more likely) the moment I think that you let me down, I have a choice. I can either put you on my list of 'people who can't be trusted', or I can take responsibility and talk to you about it.
In practice, that's the last thing people want to do! It takes extraordinary courage to tell another person that something they've done has left you questioning whether you can trust them or not. There are all sorts of valuable tips and techniques for communicating that kind of difficult message effectively; but however skilled a communicator you are, it isn't comfortable.
For an organisation to build a culture based on trust, each person has to accept that "if I don't trust you, that's my problem". "You" may or may not be trustworthy; but "I" have to be willing to deal with the situation. There may be a misunderstanding, or a miscommunication; there may be personal or professional issues in the background that you know nothing about. The other person may even be genuinely untrustworthy! But the only way to build a culture of trust is for each individual to be persuaded to take responsibility for creating that culture, brick by brick.
Around half the time, people tell us "I trust people when they prove they can be trusted." Most of the others give us The Enlightened Response: "I trust people until they let me down." Either way, they're being reactive. Ultimately what they're saying is that whether they trust someone or not depends on their behaviour.
Clearly, that's a reasonable position! The problem is that in an organisational setting it creates a powerful downward spiral. How does it work?
• I trust you until you let me down.
• I tell Bill that you let me down.
• Now Bill doesn't trust you.
• You notice that Bill is avoiding you, so...
• you start watching him, and warn Jane...
• who warns me that Bill's up to something...
Before you know it, no-one trusts anyone any more, and they can't even remember why!
The problem? Nobody is taking responsibility for maintaining and building trust. If we trust each other, that's fine. But the moment you let me down, or (more likely) the moment I think that you let me down, I have a choice. I can either put you on my list of 'people who can't be trusted', or I can take responsibility and talk to you about it.
In practice, that's the last thing people want to do! It takes extraordinary courage to tell another person that something they've done has left you questioning whether you can trust them or not. There are all sorts of valuable tips and techniques for communicating that kind of difficult message effectively; but however skilled a communicator you are, it isn't comfortable.
For an organisation to build a culture based on trust, each person has to accept that "if I don't trust you, that's my problem". "You" may or may not be trustworthy; but "I" have to be willing to deal with the situation. There may be a misunderstanding, or a miscommunication; there may be personal or professional issues in the background that you know nothing about. The other person may even be genuinely untrustworthy! But the only way to build a culture of trust is for each individual to be persuaded to take responsibility for creating that culture, brick by brick.
15 July 2008
Keeping momentum
We were talking the other day to a small business owner who was trying to prepare a proposal for a freelance contract. She had met the client, she knew what was expected, and she could do the job standing on her head. The deadline for submitting proposals was getting closer, and she still hadn’t written anything.
She had lost her self-motivation and instead of getting down to it, was spending time randomly surfing the web, organising her desktop and generally procrastinating. How often do you find yourself doing this?
There are a number of reasons why you might lose motivation:
• no confidence: if you don’t believe you can do it, why bother?
• no focus: if you don’t know what you want, how can you get started?
• no direction: you’re lost. No wonder you’ve lost your motivation!
To build your confidence, spend time thinking about things you’ve already done and how successful they were. If it helps, write them down, refer to them regularly, and add to the list as the next success happens.
Give yourself something concrete to aim at, rather than losing yourself in nebulous worry. The small business owner created the opportunity to show her draft proposal to someone who would give constructive feedback. She produced a first draft and he made some helpful suggestions for improvements. Because she’d actually done something, she now had a sense of direction and felt more motivated to polish it.
To keep direction, try setting yourself a short-term goal which is quickly achieved, coupled with something longer-term. In the case above, the short-term goal was to make the draft document look professional and authoritative, and submit it to the required deadline. The longer-term goal was to polish the document for final submission to her potential client.
In setting yourself achievable short-term goals, it's often possible to break your 'writer's block' or tendency to procrastination, and end up producing something you can be proud of.
What are your favourite tips for keeping motivation? Post them here: we’d love to know how you do it.
She had lost her self-motivation and instead of getting down to it, was spending time randomly surfing the web, organising her desktop and generally procrastinating. How often do you find yourself doing this?
There are a number of reasons why you might lose motivation:
• no confidence: if you don’t believe you can do it, why bother?
• no focus: if you don’t know what you want, how can you get started?
• no direction: you’re lost. No wonder you’ve lost your motivation!
To build your confidence, spend time thinking about things you’ve already done and how successful they were. If it helps, write them down, refer to them regularly, and add to the list as the next success happens.
Give yourself something concrete to aim at, rather than losing yourself in nebulous worry. The small business owner created the opportunity to show her draft proposal to someone who would give constructive feedback. She produced a first draft and he made some helpful suggestions for improvements. Because she’d actually done something, she now had a sense of direction and felt more motivated to polish it.
To keep direction, try setting yourself a short-term goal which is quickly achieved, coupled with something longer-term. In the case above, the short-term goal was to make the draft document look professional and authoritative, and submit it to the required deadline. The longer-term goal was to polish the document for final submission to her potential client.
In setting yourself achievable short-term goals, it's often possible to break your 'writer's block' or tendency to procrastination, and end up producing something you can be proud of.
What are your favourite tips for keeping motivation? Post them here: we’d love to know how you do it.
08 July 2008
Into the Light
We’ve been thinking more this week about acting more authentically, and this quotation from Marianne Williamson says it all:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
"You are a child of the earth. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do... And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
In what ways do you 'let your light shine'? Send us a post and let us know – we’d love to hear from you!
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
"You are a child of the earth. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do... And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
In what ways do you 'let your light shine'? Send us a post and let us know – we’d love to hear from you!
03 July 2008
Get real and be real
Have you acted fraudulently this week? This isn’t an accusation, but have you done something because it was expected of you, rather than doing it from your heart? Or maybe you backed away from taking a decision or saying something because it seemed easier?
It’s all too easy to be caught up in ways of behaving that we feel at odds with – it can be lack of self-confidence, fear of not being seen as a ‘team player’, or the ethos of the organisation in which we work.
If you’re not being true to yourself, how do you feel? Perhaps irritated, dissatisfied with your lot, or vaguely depressed. Life today is pressured and stressful. We see or read about a constant stream of difficult world situations in the news; we’re bombarded with ads for ever more consumer items which can make us feel we’re just not good enough.
But you can find the positive and uplifting amongst all this. And the best way to start is with yourself. You don’t have to up sticks and start a smallholding in the country to act authentically (unless that’s what you really want to do!). You can do it in your everyday life.
When you get to the end of a hard day, think about what you’ve achieved, however small. Maybe you drove legally and safely, even though no one was watching, or spent a few minutes with a colleague who’s going through a rough patch. Or maybe you dealt with something you’ve been putting off because it seemed too difficult. Well done! You’ve been true to yourself; you’ve acted authentically.
We’d like to know how you’ve acted authentically – so do send us a post.
It’s all too easy to be caught up in ways of behaving that we feel at odds with – it can be lack of self-confidence, fear of not being seen as a ‘team player’, or the ethos of the organisation in which we work.
If you’re not being true to yourself, how do you feel? Perhaps irritated, dissatisfied with your lot, or vaguely depressed. Life today is pressured and stressful. We see or read about a constant stream of difficult world situations in the news; we’re bombarded with ads for ever more consumer items which can make us feel we’re just not good enough.
But you can find the positive and uplifting amongst all this. And the best way to start is with yourself. You don’t have to up sticks and start a smallholding in the country to act authentically (unless that’s what you really want to do!). You can do it in your everyday life.
When you get to the end of a hard day, think about what you’ve achieved, however small. Maybe you drove legally and safely, even though no one was watching, or spent a few minutes with a colleague who’s going through a rough patch. Or maybe you dealt with something you’ve been putting off because it seemed too difficult. Well done! You’ve been true to yourself; you’ve acted authentically.
We’d like to know how you’ve acted authentically – so do send us a post.
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